Disenchanted

I'm ready to try something different; I've had enough.  I thought if I treated people right, they'd respond better.  I remember how it was.  I remember the talk about how people treated us.  I thought if I was that person that we all said we wanted that I could make a difference in my little area.  I'm sorry to say it didn't work.

I remember Canon Farr saying to a lady that didn't want to serve on a jury and be responsible for judging somebody's fate, "If you were charged with murder, wouldn't you want somebody like yourself to sit on that jury?"  A different way of looking at it.

And, I thought the same of my current situation.  I'd soften the blow, lead with compassion and respect.  But, it didn't make them work for me.  I'm the lightening rod for their discontent, and I understand that--although it is still hard.  But, they didn't do what we said we'd do if we had somebody who was different.  I'm disenchanted.  I used all the positive reinforcement I could, stayed away from punishment, and it did nothing to make things different.  The old ship captains of Nelson's time believed that if you were not hard, they men wouldn't respect you.  I always believed that you should not lead by fear, promote a blame free environment & learn from mistakes, promote team, reward and be positive, etc...  But, they consistently get the lowest performance scores, despite the findings of published reports advocating for positive workplaces; they show me nothing but contempt.  I do believe that I'm being polarized and changed, and it is challenging to be who I want to be.  As hard as I try, I can't offset the perceived corporate abuse--the overtime, the shift change, the unfairness of being mandated in other areas.  I'm ready for the next task, the next challenge--a challenge of a different kind, to pass the torch.

I opened my Christmas present from Cindy this morning, and the bourbon tastes so good today.