:(

Last night my spirits really sank into the pit of dispair.  Cindy woke me up when she came up to bed and I had trouble falling back to sleep.  My mind was racing, about work and opportunities wasted, about debt, about my father and our relationship, about Rachel and the unfairness of her tragic situation.  It was like part of my mind was still asleep, the positive part.  It was awful, and I couldn't turn it off and sleep.  

I was also very tired.  Being back on rotating shifts is very hard.  It takes some time to adjust.  Even straight nights would be better than rotating.  I'm 44 and I'm done with shift work.  I would like to move beyond supervision as well.  It seems like such a waste.

I thought about mortality, my own and wasted time, Rachel and how bad things happen to good people, the fragility of my faith, the mortality of my father in the Winter of his life.  We've had a turbulent relationship, more off than on, not all because of not getting along with one another.  Time and opportunities are decreasing for us and for me.  People around me are subject to failing health, sickness, and death.  Thank God that nobody in my immediate family has passed away.  But death, especially young tragic loss, of those around us is troubling and forces you to reflect.  I seem to be rambling now,  so I'll take my leave as they say.  Suffice it to say that it was a missarable night.  And now, I'm off to work...

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