Still Wandering in the Wilderness

Wow.  I have a lot to unpack from my day trip.  I am still in great need of direction.  I visited St. Barnabas today.  They were very friendly and welcoming.  I had a lot of questions as to how I found them; and, it was the web page link from The Anglican Church in North America.  I was trying to take it all in and really, that's what I was there for.  I was looking for direction from Him.  There were only about 25 people there, but they sang loud (something I'm guilty of not doing--to the actual benefit of others).  The scripture reading today hit me, the part about a house divided can not stand.  Prophetic?  I hope not.  The prayers of the people caught my attention.  They prayed for Israel.  In the culture of Islamophilia pushed by the left, with antisemitism on the rise again, it's been a long time since I've heard a prayer for Israel.  They also prayed for the people of Iraq and the Ukraine.  I did miss the Book of Common Praise (yes praise) and the traditional hymns.  All the liturgy and hymns were on a projector and up on the wall, no books.  I was conscious of the fact that I did not know what to do with my hands and settled on resting them on the pew back.  A bird flew into the Church during the priest's sermon (which was about sin and grace and really spoke to me); what does it all mean?  I liked it a lot and feel like I could be at home in a conservative parish; although, 75 minutes is too far to drive every Sunday.  I really liked what I saw.  I felt comfortable.  I've gone to party meetings where I've thought, "This is how Church should be."  (Not political, but comfortable & welcoming).  The only negative in all of it, other than the long but quite scenic drive, was after I got home.  I was doing a little more research, as I often tend to do, and came upon an article in the Toronto Star that gave me the impression that the priest at St. Barnabas is really not all that keen on seeing Anglicans show up at her door looking for a new home.  It is painful though, hard and confusing.  Cindy points out that we have a lot of friends at, and there are a lot of good people at, St Paul's.  She is not ready to leave.  I also have some friends who are priests in the ACC and fear offending them by leaving.

I spoke to a friend at St. Paul's Saturday, at considerable length, about all my grievances with St. Paul's and the ACC.  I didn't tell him about my day trip plans though; he knows how I feel and really wants me to stay.  Some times it really helps to talk about it all, and I'm grateful to God for the gift of his friendship.  I am still looking for direction and guidance...and patience.  FATHER guide and keep me.  I ask this in the name of Your Son, my Lord, Jesus Christ.  Amen.