It isn't just that they have become intolerant to traditionalists and conservatives: They preach tolerance and they love the phrases big tent and draw the circle wider; They include those who were traditionally shunned and excluded by the Church and feel they have "fixed" the Church, all the while being willfully blind to the absolute dictatorial oppression of diversity of thought and opinion. I realize that I'm behind enemy lines. Sometimes I think that God keeps me here as a witness. I can't imagine that I do ANY good.
It isn't just the snotty people and the clicks: They exist; They exist everywhere; We have a Power Block that laments the involvement of members in the business of the Church publicly, while privately they plot and manipulate to consolidate power and offer no opportunity outside of the ample menial tasks.
It's also the wounds that will not heal. I will explain.
Many years ago now, I was very much involved in the work of the Church. I was on the Diocese of Huron's Anglican Fellowship of Prayer's board of directors. I was on my parish's board of directors (Parish Council); they're a dime a dozen with as many as 25 members. I created the parish web page and Facebook page. I volunteered at the parish's food bank and separate entity hosted soup kitchen. I maintained the Parish Web page, YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Flickr account. I spent hours every Sunday after Church on YouTube alone. That was my ministry. For my involvement in the food bank, I received the Bishop's Award for excellence in Ministry. From my Parish leadership (only priests excluded), I receive nothing but complaints, criticism, and occasional scorn.
I told myself that I wasn't doing it for thanks. Although, I realize of course that it is a psychological need. But, after the event, I chose to walk away from my ministries...all of them. During the very ceremony of gratitude for my ministries to the Church (led by our priest), our Decon publicly berated me for their inadequacy. It was a knife in the ribs. And, it will not heal. I have forgiven, but the pain of betrayal is fresh in my mind.
The event, you may ask what the event to which I refer may be. I will endeavor to keep it somewhat short. During my active ministries, I attended a Vestry meeting (annual general meeting). This meeting included the election of parish officers. Normally, there are four wardens in the parish. Two are appointed by the priest and two are elected by the Vestry. Wardens share power in the parish with the priest. The priest has power over/responsibility for all matters of worship. The wardens have power over/responsibility for parish assets. As the Vestry meeting came to a close, there was a vacancy remaining in the office of Deputy Warden; Rector's or People's I can no longer recall. Not one person at Vestry stood for nomination or volunteered. After Vestry, I approached the Priest and offered to serve as Deputy Warden and fill the gap or vacant office. He thanked me and said he would discuss it with leadership.
I was contacted some time later and informed that they were going to ask somebody else to fill the office. It was a knife in the back. It has not heeled. I strongly believe the fact that I don't think the same way they do strongly influenced their decision, probably due to my extremely vocal social media activity. The priest offered me the conciliatory position of Altar Server. It was clear to me from that point on that, to leadership, I was only good for grunt work and as a source of revenue.
The rift goes deep and I have lost all trust. My faith, I'm sure, suffers for it. I try to be a light on my own. My wife and I still attend our parish in the winter months sporadically. My givings are down too (I can not support that) and I no longer even try to tith properly. God forgive me.
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