Everybody hopes that they are fondly remembered. I hope that when I pass away that my funeral is well attended, that people feel the world is a shittier place without me. Nobody wants to be an A hole. I'm no different. I've seen some well attended funerals, standing room only, for some great people. They touched the lives of many. I don't try to be an A hole. However, I like to think that I am a principled man. It's more important that I be true to myself than be liked. Just look at my social media accounts. If you're not consistent, they're not really values. I am an A hole by default.
Monday, December 30, 2019
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Knight Mare
I had a dream last night that a grim reaper was standing at the side of my bed. Her name was Becky. She said that it was time to go. I asked if I could say goodbye to my family. She said no. I awoke and searched the room with my eyes in the dark for Becky. I hate dreams where I'm in bed--my bed--in the dream. It was so real.
Free People
I saw & liked the new Star wars, now I have to decide why (digest it).
I picked on a theme of liberty in the new Star wars, flying in the face of tyranny:
When the tyrant asks where the navy came from, a henchman replies that it's not a navy, just people.
The importance of the US 2nd Amendment is evident.
Blessing
I'm not a priest; but, I'd like to perform a blessing: To ML, when your children are in their adolescent years, and they are experimenting with various drugs, and you can only worry alone at home on your couch, because you can't control their lives, and they make their own decisions and are their own people, may they not have somebody in their lives telling them that their actions are good, acceptable, and wholesome.
Monday, December 23, 2019
God Speaks
Yesterday, I really felt that God was speaking to me through the scriptures. Given the family problems we are having, and the tumult that could have happened yesterday, He spoke directly to me. I was reminded that I relied on myself rather than on God. I was reminded that I was dependent on violence. I was reminded that my decisions would being destruction on myself. Yesterday was a highly stressful day, and I was on edge and highly stressed. When I stopped to pray the daily office, Isaiah screamed at me.
Her Majesty
Several days ago, I had a dream that the Queen passed away. It was very sad and felt very real.
Mars
I had a dream last night that I had a summer home on a Mars colony. Chandra didn't like the water, which was triple filtered from the house sewage; she drank all my beer. New neighbors moved in and were upset that I had a car that was burning bio-diesel and pumping out CO2. We had a deadline to get home, but Chandra cracked another beer. I told her she had to drink it fast before we left.
Sunday, December 22, 2019
Psalm 103 (so much) & a touch of 34 & dollop of 49
No matter how bad I am, I have hope. "He will not always accuse us, nor will he keep his anger for ever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our wickedness. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so is his mercy great upon those who fear him." 103:9-13
But, our lives are finite. We will get old and die. "Our days are line the grass, we flourish like a flower of the field; When the wind goes over it, it is gone, and its place shall know it no more," a sobering thought, contemplating your own mortality...even aging and the breaking down of the body. 103:15-16
But, there is hope yet of life after death. "He redeems your life from the grave and crowns you with mercy and loving-kindness" 103:4
Hope, "the Lord is full of compassion and mercy, slow to anger and of great kindness." 103:8
If the wages of sin are death, our lives have been purchased. "The Lord ransoms the life of his servants, and none will be punished who trust in him." 103:22
We can't do it alone. "We can never ransom ourselves, or deliver to God the price of our life; For the ransom of our life is so great, that we should never have enough to pay it, in order to live for ever and ever, and never see the grave." 49:6-8
Again, we are faced with our own mortality as, "we see that the wise die also; like the dull and stupid they perish and leave their wealth to those who come after them. Their graves shall be their homes for ever, their dwelling places from generation to generation, though they call the lands after their own names. Even though honoured, they cannot live for ever; they are like the beasts that perish." 49:9-11
For the ransomed, there is hope of life eternal. "But God will ransom my life; he will snatch me from the grasp of death." 49:15
8 The Lord said to Moses, "Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live." 9 So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, they lived. Numbers 21:8-9
14 Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,[f] 15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him."[g] 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. John 14-18
Saturday, December 21, 2019
Holographic Universe Principle
What if we are in a computer simulation, like the matrix? What if Near Death Experiences are waking up in the real world? Hell?
Strange Dream Last Night
Freudian friends unite! So, I had a dream that our Vice President at work was in charge of a Satanic haunted escape room sex dungeon that was a sort of Dagohba force cave of sorts. We made our way to the exit and were out; but, saddened, not before I found a disturbing doll of my daughter dresses in dominatrix gear in a glass case at the end of the last room by the exit. I took (rescued) the doll, and hid it behind my back from the other characters in the dream. Then for some messed up reason, we entered the next room, going back into the escape room complex again.
Carl Jung was a dream guy too. And, I like him better anyway. Maybe he could help.
Strange Dream Two Nights Ago
I had a dream that I was firing a home made rocket. It was made from the 22" circumference vacuum separator bodies we used to build when I worked at Eurovac. It launched violently and soared to an amazing height before entering unstable flight and crashing spectacularly with a brutish impact. Not sure what it all means, I have no idea.
Tuesday, December 17, 2019
Dark Thoughts for a Dark Day
If time is malleable and every thing that will ever happen already has, maybe Hitler was the better option; maybe somebody went back in time and killed somebody much worse that allowed Hitler to rise in his place.
Freedom & Liberty
One thing that we humans have been great at over the last 10 000+ years is forcing other humans to live by the rules we decide they should have to live by.
Monday, December 16, 2019
Windblower
I had a dream last night that I had my sailboat back and that I sold it to my brother and we sailed it. It was a beautiful thing.
News
I watched the six O'clock news on Global last night, and all it did was make me angry. It's just a liberal echo chamber. So much for investigative journalism. They truly do tell you what to think.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
So This Upset Me
Monday, December 9, 2019
At What Point Do We Become a Threat to Extra Terestrials?
All of these Eco Activists are crying over my four cylinder Jeep. meanwhile, we have enough nuclear weapons to destroy all life on Earth 7 times over. And, there's enough antimatter in Switzerland to destroy our solar system!
Why There is a Rift Between My Parish and I
It isn't just that the national Church has it's left turn signal stick on: The Church is pushing ideas that I don't agree with or support, including abortion, civil disarmament, environmentalism (which I see as bringing Gaia into the temple of God (Abomination of Desolation? ), or as C.S. Lewis spoke about, using Christianity as a means to an end); afirmative action, socialism, social engineering, feminism, the doctrines of white privilage, toxic masculinity, and colour blind racism, exegesis and the reinterpretation of traditional meanings of scripture, pluralism, segregation, cultural censorship, antisemitism, justified (in their way of reasoning) discrimination, C.S. Lewis' Historical Jesus, and I could go on and on and on. I can't donate and pay to support these things. I believe that it was Thomas Jefferson (or Mills) who said that it was tyrannical to ask someone to pay to support things they opposed. I donate almost all of my Church money to the Building Fund (temple).
It isn't just that they have become intolerant to traditionalists and conservatives: They preach tolerance and they love the phrases big tent and draw the circle wider; They include those who were traditionally shunned and excluded by the Church and feel they have "fixed" the Church, all the while being willfully blind to the absolute dictatorial oppression of diversity of thought and opinion. I realize that I'm behind enemy lines. Sometimes I think that God keeps me here as a witness. I can't imagine that I do ANY good.
It isn't just the snotty people and the clicks: They exist; They exist everywhere; We have a Power Block that laments the involvement of members in the business of the Church publicly, while privately they plot and manipulate to consolidate power and offer no opportunity outside of the ample menial tasks.
It's also the wounds that will not heal. I will explain.
Many years ago now, I was very much involved in the work of the Church. I was on the Diocese of Huron's Anglican Fellowship of Prayer's board of directors. I was on my parish's board of directors (Parish Council); they're a dime a dozen with as many as 25 members. I created the parish web page and Facebook page. I volunteered at the parish's food bank and separate entity hosted soup kitchen. I maintained the Parish Web page, YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Flickr account. I spent hours every Sunday after Church on YouTube alone. That was my ministry. For my involvement in the food bank, I received the Bishop's Award for excellence in Ministry. From my Parish leadership (only priests excluded), I receive nothing but complaints, criticism, and occasional scorn.
I told myself that I wasn't doing it for thanks. Although, I realize of course that it is a psychological need. But, after the event, I chose to walk away from my ministries...all of them. During the very ceremony of gratitude for my ministries to the Church (led by our priest), our Decon publicly berated me for their inadequacy. It was a knife in the ribs. And, it will not heal. I have forgiven, but the pain of betrayal is fresh in my mind.
The event, you may ask what the event to which I refer may be. I will endeavor to keep it somewhat short. During my active ministries, I attended a Vestry meeting (annual general meeting). This meeting included the election of parish officers. Normally, there are four wardens in the parish. Two are appointed by the priest and two are elected by the Vestry. Wardens share power in the parish with the priest. The priest has power over/responsibility for all matters of worship. The wardens have power over/responsibility for parish assets. As the Vestry meeting came to a close, there was a vacancy remaining in the office of Deputy Warden; Rector's or People's I can no longer recall. Not one person at Vestry stood for nomination or volunteered. After Vestry, I approached the Priest and offered to serve as Deputy Warden and fill the gap or vacant office. He thanked me and said he would discuss it with leadership.
I was contacted some time later and informed that they were going to ask somebody else to fill the office. It was a knife in the back. It has not heeled. I strongly believe the fact that I don't think the same way they do strongly influenced their decision, probably due to my extremely vocal social media activity. The priest offered me the conciliatory position of Altar Server. It was clear to me from that point on that, to leadership, I was only good for grunt work and as a source of revenue.
The rift goes deep and I have lost all trust. My faith, I'm sure, suffers for it. I try to be a light on my own. My wife and I still attend our parish in the winter months sporadically. My givings are down too (I can not support that) and I no longer even try to tith properly. God forgive me.
Sunday, December 1, 2019
Begin At The Beginning
So, I had a new thought today. Or, it was given to me. Dad always says that when Grandpa said that it came to him, Grandma would reply, "Came to you? You mean you took a notion in your head." But, I digress. My new thought, which very well may have been given to me, is that it may not be ritualism itself that is bad.
It's a new season, a new beginning. Today is the first day of Advent, a time of renewal and of preperation. As we begin the season of Advent, this morning's reading is from the first chapter of Isaiah. I was surprised that, unlike my evangelical friend's view that ritual is bad, Isaiah seems to be saying that sin is what defiles the rite and makes it displeasing to God. Hhm, not maybe the practices and motions we go through, God hates our evil. Interesting...
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