When it rains it pours!

St. Paul's Anglican Church Stratford is really taking a $h1t kicking.  I've been told that since June or July, we've lost nine active members of the Church.  Parish Council has lost three, including the rector leaving.  We lost a warden (Glen) a few months back, and now we've lost a Synod delegate (Ross), both members of the parish council.  Now, our rector is leaving us (the third parish council member to depart).  It's going to be a very different Church in the new year.  Her departure was a shock to me, and was upsetting.  I'd say that we didn't exactly see eye to eye--being that she was a left leaning feminist liberal, except that we never argued.  I didn't see it coming, and thought she'd be around for at least another ten years, putting Michael's record to shame.  I was surprised to learn how much I will miss her presence.  In my perspective, St. Paul's was Tanya, and Tanya was St. Paul's.  It's like the Church has been gutted.  It's heart has been ripped out.  It was Tanya who asked me to sit on Parish Council, at a young 28 or 29 years of age, a parish council that was full of old people.  I never would have been elected--or even nominated--by Vestry.  She saw something, or hoped for something, in me and gave me a chance.  At the time, I didn't want to do it.  I hate public speaking, and felt like the wrong person for the job (and still do).  But, I said yes; because, I saw it as a way to serve God, and decided to do it for Him.  I still think I've walked into the wrong room at every Parish Council meeting when all the faces turn to me.  Often, I find myself checking the minutes or the agenda for my name to make sure I'm supposed to be there; I kid you not.  I'm the only person on Parish Council under 50 (60?), and it feels funny.  I was warned by a person who will remain nameless that Tanya would not be sticking around because she was ambitious.  She may be an ambitious liberal, but I will miss her way, way more than I ever realized I would.  I could have cried when she made her announcement breaking down on the chancel steps.  I don't totally get it.  Yes, it will be a very different Church.  I find that I am now--I've talked about where I belong in previous blogs--reevaluating my place at St. Paul's and questioning where I should be.  Can it take a fourth person leaving the parish council?  Where does God call me?