I had a dream two nights ago that I was part of an exorcism team. But, I wasn't always called to serve. When I wasn't there, the demons asked for me. That can't be a good thing. But, what does it mean.
Thursday, January 29, 2026
Wednesday, January 28, 2026
80 if We Are Strong - To Be Caesar
I'm at 50 now, with 30 left to go. I've done nothing great. It's been said that the most common desire is to be great. Why? Pride? Maybe, maybe people just want to be remembered for something. For me, being great would mean improving the lot of the common human, in some way. At 50, I haven't accomplished much. I work in a factory.
What is really important in life, health, happiness, love? I am loved, and I love. It's been said that we shouldn't chase happiness as a goal; it is fleeting and hard to maintain. And that, our expectations of being constantly happy will leave us disappointed. Rather, we should chase responsibility and being a shoulder for those around us. If we chase responsibility and purpose, we should find fulfillment. Fulfillment, among other virtues that bring it, may bring us the happiness that we seek. I've learned that love is sacrifice; giving of ourselves for those who are important to us--giving and sacrifice--is the manifestation of that love. Evil is selfishness.
Health is also fleeting. I mean, there are things we can do to be healthier. Not everyone is blessed with health. I was dealt a pretty good hand. I do know that a mindset of perpetual victim-hood squanders what little you have.
What else is important? God is, your relationship with The Creator. Pushing Him away can only cause pain and repressed trauma. Mental and spiritual wellness is important. Peace is important. Find peace. For me, eventually finding peace in not being great is a holy grail of sorts.
Principles, having principles--being a principled man--is exceedingly important to me. Having integrity, I have to be true to myself and God, even when no other person is looking. Liberty, equality under the law, personal responsibility, these things are the tip of the sword for me. The ideas of Classic Liberalism--I consider myself a Blue Tory currently--are in my wheelhouse.
I was called to be a father and a husband, both important and fulfilling in their own right. The scope is narrow though, unless you account for the person that I helped develope as a father and her impact on the world.
Still, I feel I have squandered 50 years; I feel unfulfilled insofar as I have not become great by my own definition of the word. My single greatest regret is that I have never served, my country in uniform, my fellow citizen as an officer of the law. That is a boat that has sailed for which I have yet to make peace.
We can't all be Caesar. I thought that I could at least be a centurion. I have fallen short, by my own measure. Regrets: The struggle is to make peace with your past. Sins: Forgiveness from the Lord is given by grace, withheld by my own conscience. Greatness: Is assigned by the beholder, and measured in pounds of regret.
Would that I could break free from the drab monotony of meaningless mediocrity. Purpose, that is what I feel I lack, and a stepping stone to being great to those around me. What is the measure of a life? Many would say a good life lived is one in which the person was mostly good, had enough, avoided unaverage hardships. But, it is more; it has to be. A good life lived, at it's pinnacle, should be to be a great person.
Grateful: I have many things for which to be grateful.
• My wife is beautiful at 53, even though she doesn't see it
• My daughter is smart, well educated, driven, and beautiful
• My health, and
• The health of my family
• My faith
• Living in a free country
• Enough to eat
• A roof over my head
• Clothes to wear
• The gift of a job to have those things
• A bed to sleep in
• To be able to travel
• To be able to worship as I chose
• Free Speech
• The right to trial by a jury of my peers, and
• The presumption of innocence
• Habas Corpus
• Peace in the land
• So much that I take for granted
The older I get, the more the 12th chapter of Ecclesiastes makes sense to me. Time is running out. If I'm a late bloomer, the time is at hand.
One of the greater challenges for the future of our society will be to protect liberty from socialism, the individual from the collective, in the Tyranny of The City. Also, how do we find meaningful occupation for the individual as automation takes over; people need to be productive lest they become depressed, and we can't make AI our slaves race. I know the future will be radically different than I can imagine, and I hope the individual remains free.
I won't be here to see it. But, I hope that the people of the future heed the lessons of the past. History is important. If we don't know it, re repeat it. The 20th century should be a lesson for all time.
Thomas Sowell is an amazing author and thinker. The benefits of the institution of Free Market Capitalism cannon be overstated, in the improvement to the standard of living provided to the common human, despite being maligned by the slander of the Collectivists who would reduce us all to the lowest common deminator.
The appeal, as I see it, is to those who envy any that have more, and to those who have too much; the Limousine Liberal does not understand why we all can't give 50% to help the poor. Once one has paid for shelter, food, transportation, the excess income is easy to give away; this is a view that is harmful to the working class.
Civil Disarmament is wrong; no good government should fear its citizens; and, licensed arms holders are not the criminals.
When I see the accomplishments of some of the people half my age, I am awe struck. What have I been doing for 50 years?
My Church has its left turn signal stuck on. It has become a bastion of Moloch, Gaia, and Lennon worship, rather than teaching about the Lord.
The world is starting to make less and less sense to me. It seems that the left has won.
Is it time to pass the torch? Or, do I have the ability to squeeze out a little more?
Wednesday, January 21, 2026
Square Hole, Round Peg
I was exposed to anti-right barbs tonight from old White men to those ANIC people at our Church council meeting. I really don't think I belong, feel like God made space for me at St. Paul's with Allie, and will miss her. What's wrong with being White or a man?
Sunday, January 18, 2026
Grieving the loss
*** DEATH OF A PARISH ***
Today, I watched--participated in--a parish's death. It hasn't sunken in. I will take a while to process this.
What turned a somber service into a tragedy was watching the scavengers ripping the chairs out of the ballpark after the last game.
Wednesday, January 14, 2026
Rainy Day
You know, I don't know that I've ever read the first chapter of Ecclesiastes before. What a dark and dismal passage....
Interesting...
I have a meeting last night with the Bishop, our Rector, and the Wardens. The Bishop said a couple of strange things, or things that I took note of, rather. He said that he was learning that he had to be mindful the changes that he made in one place might upset people somewhere else. The second thing he said was that he seemed to have more notice of our Vicar's desire to move than he had originally let on, but that is water under the bridge. The first point though, that is a point that I wish more clergy took to hart as a tenet.
Tuesday, January 6, 2026
Council
I had a dream that I was running for city council. I was afraid of public speaking, and of upsetting my brother (his jam).
The Mill Stones Wear Smooth and the Lamps Become Dim
So, I was running at the track last night. I did 5k in 41 min., not my best time. I saw a young 20 something, serious jogger come in. I've seen him before. I engaged in conversation, "Signed up for any races this year?" He said he was doing the Tough Mudder.
"It's not that bad, actually," he said. F that, I thought. I told him that I was 50, and I won't do more than a 5k race now as my pace is too slow. (I ran the Hog Jog 10k three or four years ago in 79 minutes).
He told me to keep working at it, a little farther each day, you'll get back to 10k. I think he missed the part where I said I was 50. I thanked him for his encouragement.
I can't believe that I ran a 7:37 mile pace when I was 21. Damn I was fast. It floors me to think of it now. And, I was the slowest guy in my PE class. And, I puked my guts out on that run.
Oh, and, he told me that they hire a comedian to chirp the runners on the obstacles. 😂
And, hey, our Curate jogs. I tried to interest her in the 5k Remember Run in Waterloo. (I did it two years ago in 37 min.).
A Runner's World article that I read once said that if you want to run farther, you have to run [train] farther.
Sunday, January 4, 2026
Jesus Said
He did, yes. But, Jesus set an impossibly high standard. God is asking us to be perfect like him.
So, what do we do? Not give up, that's what! The objective is to try; get as close as you can.
NyQuil
I saw an add for NyQuil where the actress said that her husband used to never be able to sleep on Sunday nights. I understood why instantly.
There's research on this subject, and things that you can do to mitigate the anxiety. Ultimately, it's up to your boss.
Saturday, January 3, 2026
Brother Bear (Soviet Bear)
I went out with my brother for coffee today, whom I haven't seen in about five months. We don't normally talk about politics--a very good idea--or religion.
Today, he made the comment that, "Well, Jesus was very left leaning."
To which I replied, "Umm, I don't think so." I may also have said that He didn't want us to pay for everything for everyone. But I cut it off there, bit my tongue so to speak. I did not argue.
This is a subject that I've given a lot of thought to, giving all your money to the poor. Also, I have noticed that people on the left--even my Atheist brother, apparently--believe that Jesus was a Socialist.
Two things that I have thought of, over the years, are the fact that this may not have had a broader application than Jesus just telling us to address our idolatry and the second being that St. Paul said that if you want to eat that you have to work for your food. I may even have blogged about these things.
That all being said, it was a good visit, good conversation, even if I did--and it *was* me--broach the subject of politics.
We should do coffee more, talk politics less.
My Second Youngest Brother
Proverbs 29:19 says that a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.
One God, Forever and Ever
In Philippians Ch 2, Paul writes that Jesus was God, and was equal to God, but humbled himself.
Silver Smith's Answer
Think on this. A silver smith answered when asked how he knows that the silver has been purified in the fire, "That's simple, when I can see my image in the silver."
🤔
When I sent by Dad's grave on Christmas day to read the Christmas story, somebody had cleared the snow from the grave.
Apples and Oranges
I had a dream a few days ago that I quit my job and went back to my old job. I wouldn't say that I was happy. It was a different kind of unhappy. I have accomplished a lot, to get where I am, I guess.
Friday, January 2, 2026
It's strange--to me--that Paul said it didn't matter if some preached Jesus for the wrong reason.
Philippians 1 NIV
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15 It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. 16 The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. 17 The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. 18 But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
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New Creation Already?
The Bible Gateway quote of the day from a few days ago was 2 Corinthians 5:17. And, it disturbs me. Can I articulate why? Probably not. It might even be heretical if I did.
My Faith
My Journey
In the Beginning
My foundation was Church. My family went to a small white wooden Church every Sunday, and I attended Sunday School. This is where I was first exposed to Christianity.
It is true that you don’t have to be religious to believe in God. It is also true that you don’t have to go to Church to be saved (Romans 10:9). That being said, my religion gives me comfort and brings me closer to God through worship. I believe that Church is necessary for community, and for building faith and sharing the faith.
I took my Confirmation quite seriously, at the age of 13, in our little Protestant Church. In my youth, my favourite book of the Bible was Revelation (now John), which both scared me and at the same time I found captivating. I was also, and at the same time in my life, intrigued with the TV broadcasts for The World Wide Church of God, which focused on end times. These things impacted me.
Changes Along the Way
As a young man, I believed in God. But, I didn’t attend Church. That changed shortly after I became a father with a young family. And, I can see the hand of God in how I arrived at St. Paul’s Church in Stratford.
Arguing with Jehovah’s Witnesses who used to come to my door frequently, I would go to my father with questions. Once, when I asked him a question about the nature of Christ that the Witnesses had me thinking about, Dad referred me to a priest who was a fellow Freemason with him. That priest was the Rector of St. Paul’s Church, and I’ve been there since.
I enjoyed debating with other believers and arguing with Atheists, both online and in person. I never understood why someone who believed that God wasn’t real could be so driven to destroy the faith of a stranger, even if it meant taking away the last semblance of hope that a person may have. Peter Hitchen’s book The Rage Against God helped me understand. I believe that the Athiest Penn Jillette explained my position best on YouTube with the story of the gift of a Bible by a fan at one of his shows, and how you would want to save others if you knew something that they did not know.
My audience has mostly changed. As, I find that apologetics now primarily focus on ministry to Muslims, not Atheists, as their faith expands into North America and the West. They are also an evangelical religion.
In those early days, I was a love the sinner hate the sin kind of Christian when it came to matters of sexuality. This, in and of itself, was a long journey for me. You see, the arguments of the Christian Left were not logical to me, based only in loving your neighbour. Because, I could love my neighbour without affirming their actions. The Secular Left’s arguments did not apply; as, in my warp bubble of religion only faith arguments applied to matters of faith and religion. For reference: In Star Trek, Einstein’s laws of physics do not apply inside of a warp field.
But, I started asking questions like, “If there is a gay gene, why would God make people gay if it is wrong?” And, that got me searching for answers. The answers from the Secular Left and the Christian Left didn’t make any sense to me. I asked God for guidance and answers. The 14th chapter of the book of Romans was my answer. It fundamentally changed how I viewed other people’s relationship with God and gave me my scriptural foundation that I had been looking for, for moving forward on the issue. I had always been okay with Same Sex Marriage—as it was called here at the time—in a social and civil sense, just not in the Church. Slowly, and over time, I changed that position to one of acceptance based on the book of Romans and the 5th chapter of the book of Galatians. Every person has their own unique relationship with God.
Why Do I Believe Now?
So, why at the ripe old age of 50 do I still hold on to the faith? The short answer is because I want to. I have never had a road to Damascus experience that has cemented my faith. I look at faith as St. Paul explained it in Hebrews Ch 11.
It’s not easy in the face of the onslaught of Atheism armed with science. But, I don’t see two opposing schools of thought. To me, science just explains how God created everything and how it works.
The often used argument of Atheists is that belief is built on a fear of death and dying. And, if we’re being honest, there is practically nobody who is not afraid of dying; we just don’t think about it until we are face to face with it. But, it’s so much more than salvation from death.
Being Christian doesn’t make me a good person. We can flip that around. It’s because I’m a bad person that I need Christ; if there’s a hereafter, I am unworthy to save myself. It’s precisely because I am a bad person that I need Jesus.
My father used to say that it was better to believe than not. Because, “if I don’t believe, die and there is no God, I was right; but I will never have the satisfaction of knowing. If I believe, die, and there is no God, I will die happy. If I die and believe and there is a God, I will be rewarded. If I die, believe, and there is no God, I die happy and with hope, and know nothing else.”
How do I know that Christianity is the one true religion? Well, I’m basing it on faith, the faith that St. Paul described in Ch 11 of the book of Hebrews.
Why did God come to an obscure corner of the Earth, in a minuscule nation in the Middle East, to a tiny race of people? To confound the wise and the proud is the standard answer. God can work through whom He wants. But, to me, I see the hand of God here once again; Alexander spread the Greek language through the known world in which the Gospel was written while the rise of the Roman Empire spread that faith throughout the empire in a language the common people used. Once it spread, the Roman Empire collapsed. That is why I believe God came to that area of the world, that and Abraham was a righteous man and God chose him because of his righteousness.
Sure, there are other religions that preach that a god had risen from death; but, Christianity is the only faith that preaches that a god loved us so much that He entered His creation, lived as one of us, died for our sins, rose from the dead bodily, and ascended bodily to heaven. Because, if the punishment of sin is death, as described in the 6th chapter of the book of Romans, someone has to pay that price. Even we demand that evil be punished, and cry out against God when it is not and against God when we see injustice. We are all sinful, as the 3rd chapter of the book of Romans tells us. In the 10th chapter of the Gospel of Mark in verse 45, God came, died, and paid that price of death for us so that we could be free from the punishment of the law that we deserve. So, I have faith—in part—because of this love.
I also believe because of prophesy. When I read the 22nd psalm or the Isiah Ch 53, I see Jesus so clearly. When I watch the movie The Gospel of John, narrated by Christopher Plumber, it is so moving, I am overwhelmed with an understanding of what God has done for me. When I see Jesus in the Old Testament scriptures, I am reassured.
When I think of the historical records from Tacitus to Josephus, the secular records, that exist proving that Jesus was here on Earth and died, I believe in Him. When I read the eye witness accounts—the four Gospels—of his life and death and resurrection, I believe. There are only two possibilities as I see it; either Jesus is who he said He was, or He was a mad man put to death for insurrection. I chose to believe the former. I believe because His early followers testified with eye witness accounts to having seen Him resurrected bodily. But, more than that, they were tortured and died for maintaining that witness, and nobody dies for a lie, certainly, not hundreds of Christians. Even writings from the late Han Dynasty seem to be prophetic about the life and death of Jesus.
I believe because in the book The Case for Easter, the author lays out the argument for the physiological probability for the accuracy of the Gospel account of the crucifixion. From the water pouring out of His side, to the method of death, the dry mouth, the breaking of the legs, and all of it, it is plausible and probable.
Why am I so religious? The familiarity of the liturgy is a comfort to me while at the same time allowing me to both love God and show my love to God through the discipline of praying The Office and through the dedication of my time to God as I praise Him and offer up my worship as a gift to Him. It also allows me to pray for others in need, and myself, while I pray The Office. Believing that there are five types of Christian prayer, it is important to me to pray for others and to praise and worship God.
I believe in God the Father Almighty. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son our Lord. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sin, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.
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